What Causes a Sexless Marriage—And How Do You Repair It?
A sexless marriage can feel isolating, confusing, and painful, even when both partners deeply care for each other. Sex and intimacy are deeply personal—and sometimes complicated—parts of a relationship. When physical closeness fades or disappears entirely, it can leave couples feeling disconnected, uncertain, or even ashamed.
A sexless marriage isn’t defined by a specific number, but rather by a shared experience of emotional or physical distance around intimacy. If you’ve found yourself wondering what happened or whether it’s possible to reconnect, you’re not alone—and you’re not without options.
Understanding the Causes of a Sexless Marriage
Every relationship is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all reason couples stop having sex. That said, some of the most common causes include:
Chronic stress or fatigue: When life feels overwhelming, desire often takes a back seat.
Unspoken emotional wounds: Resentment, unsolved arguments, or past betrayals can build silent walls.
Physical or mental health struggles: Depression, anxiety, hormonal imbalances, or chronic pain can impact libido.
Differing desire levels: It's not uncommon for one partner to want sex more than the other.
Parenting and/or caregiving roles: Shifting identities and responsibilities can affect how each partner sees themselves—and each other.
It's also worth noting that some couples drift into a sexless marriage gradually, not because of one defining event, but through avoidance or lack of communication. Sometimes it starts with busy schedules or postpartum recovery and subtly shifts into a new normal of emotional and physical distance. Without some intentional effort to reconnect, the gap can widen over time.
Cultural and societal pressures can also play a role. If one or both partners grew up with messages that framed sex as shameful or taboo, it can be difficult to feel comfortable expressing desire. Religious backgrounds, body image struggles, or previous trauma can create emotional roadblocks to intimacy.
Repairing a Sexless Marriage
Rebuilding physical and emotional intimacy requires patience, vulnerability, and a mutual willingness to try. It’s not about rushing back into bed—it’s about creating space for honest, compassionate connection.
Start by talking—not just about sex, but about how each of you are feeling in the relationship.
Be honest about your needs without blame or pressure.
Focus on small, non-sexual ways to reconnect: eye contact, shared laughter, or meaningful touch—like holding hands on a walk.
If past hurt or trauma is in the picture, consider working with a therapist to unpack it together.
Understand that desire can be responsive—not spontaneous. In other words, feeling connected can lead to wanting sex, not just the other way around.
Scheduling intentional time together—whether it’s a date night, a weekend away, or even a quiet evening walk—can help reestablish emotional safety. Reconnection doesn’t have to be grand or dramatic. It’s the small, consistent efforts that rebuild trust and attraction.
It may also help to explore what intimacy means to each of you. For some, it’s physical touch; for others, it might be quality time or meaningful conversation. Understanding your partner’s views on intimacy can make your connection more fulfilling and reduce misunderstandings.
Reconnecting is possible. With care, mutual respect, and honest conversations, you can begin to rebuild a foundation of trust, closeness, and intimacy. A sexless marriage doesn’t have to be permanent—it can be the starting point for deeper emotional growth and healing.
You're Not Alone
If you’re struggling with the emotional weight of a sexless marriage, reaching out is a sign of strength—not failure. Sex therapy can offer a supportive, nonjudgmental space to explore what’s happening in your relationship and begin to repair it. Whether you come to therapy individually or as a couple, you deserve a chance to feel seen, heard, and reconnected.
You are not alone in this journey. Many couples have experienced similar seasons and found their way back to one another. Let’s begin this work together.